Today I am telling you a tale of my oldest enemy, the arachnid. They’re like tiny Orcs. It finalizes my suspicion that if I were a Gryffindor, I’d be the ‘Ron Weasley’ brand. I suppose it’s not a paralyzing phobia or anything, it’s a pretty average fear, but when disposing of them I get a little… Creative.
I’ve killed them with $300 cowboy boots, fancy umbrellas, actual swords, strange acrobatics that I can only accomplish when a spider is near, and so on.
Anyways,
I was playing with one of my old LARP swords in my room.
WHEN SUDDENLY
I spent about five minutes staring at it from atop my coffee table, deciding whether or not to make a run for it and call one of my guy friends.
Spiders make a horrible squelching noise that can turn my stomach into a jellyfish. There is no onomatopoeia for that sound.
Another few minutes go by.
I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I wouldn’t come into my room if I were a spider.
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